Damn it! I hate this time of the year. Why? That’s because I feel obligated to make a New Years Resolution, and, of course, I always challenge myself to an impossible goal. That is… to get a Six Pack! I’ve been saying this every freaking year and the closest I ever came to getting one is… well, who am I kidding, I am far far FAR from it. I have six layers of fat and number six is the only thing remotely resembling or hinting that of a six pack. Sure, I am your below than average Asian Male who lacks self-motivation, always lurking people on facebook, a master couch potato, bald, and always snack something late night. Oh yeah, one more thing. I love ice cream, especially Cherry Vanilla and Pistachio flavors. Yum. I’ll still tell all my friends and family members that this is the year. That this is the year of my six pack. Past couple years I enjoyed their hopefully and expecting eyes. I loved the attention, and it drove me to impress them. Then I realized I am a lazy pig. Now days they give me a cold look. As if I was, literally, a pig. Oink Oink. Anywho, this year is probably the same, possibly another unimportant and disappointing year. So, I decided to blog about my adventurous road to failure, and see how many excuses I will come up with for not getting a 6 pack. So, here is my very first momentous excuse… I can’t get a 6 pack because I am Asian. I am not saying all Asians can’t get a 6 pack, but we are less inclined to developing one. Seriously, a 10hour work out for an Asian dude is equivalent to a black guy working out for 10 mins. I kid you not, I think I saw a fat black guy doing 10 sit ups and he got a 6 pack soon afterward. Okay, that is a lie, but it is a stretched truth. Asians have to work their ASS off to get a six pack. Do you know what that means? I have to cut back on my time solving math problems, playing piano or violin, putting MSG in white people’s food, and do more math problems! And, all that sacrifice for a six pack? The benefit and risk ration was too obvious for me. I just didn’t see the benefit. But this year I will be more sacrificial. I will TRY to get out of my couch once in awhile. I will TRY to hold back my urges to eat. I will TRY not to fart in front of my mom. I will simply TRY.
So it begins the tale of a below than average Asian Male to obtain the most superficial, unnecessary, and most talked about physical attribute known as the SIX PACK. Meantime check out my disgusting belly and stomach hair.
Oh yeah, my other New Years Resolution is not to eat MSG. Bye bye Panda Express.
WE USED TO BE CUTE